So is the juice worth the squeeze? Was the sacrifice worth it?

1 month away, and I'm questioning my decision to be here.

I mean, yeah.. it's been great, new toys, new things, a new experience, new friends.. fuck, I found Roller Derby and it's fucking amazing.

... but all at the same time, I can't help but feel a little depressed.

I should be happy, I should be grateful I have this new life... but I feel like I'm missing things...

as I was driving home from the office today, I kept thinking about things that I wanted, and things that have happened over the year, things that I've lost.. things I've given up.. and I often wonder what I did... was it worth it.

I passed a blue minivan today, for a moment there, I thought it would be nice if that was my family coming to visit me for the weekend... but it'll never be them... my brother crashed the mini van last year... I loved that van, no matter how much I complained, it had a good life.

the shitty part is, I KNOW they will never visit me.. I will eternally have to go and visit them, say bye everytime I leave... no matter what I do, or offer... the only direction the visits will go is their way.

... i honestly keep thinking about what could've been... and it bothers me that I didn't fight enough for it.

... my mind is just everywhere right now.

looking forward to another sleepless night.

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