It's 3 am, so kill me.
Fuck this song brings me back. What can I tell you guys? I'm terrified, scared.. change is happening.. I welcome it.. but at the same time, my life is never going to be the same again.

I'm moving, out of the parent's house (shush, it was only in the meantime while I paid off the 10k in debt they put me in), and moving in with my fiancee.

Sometimes I wonder if this will be all there is to my life, living in a smaller city, working for a smaller newspaper.... am I settling?

"Just paint your face the shadows smile..." (me thinks I'm going to watch the crow tomorrow...)

Maybe this isn't the end of the road, but a new beginning.. I've been training harder than I've ever done before. I'm still young, there is still so much I can do, maybe become a fitness model who then y'know..becomes a wrestler.. oh, wait.. that's been done!

I get to look forward to my little newspaper office, steps away from a nice beach... working 10-6, and maybe one day working from home... I get to come home to a young man who truly cares for me, and humors me on my every whim that comes into my weird-ass brain... I still have my car...

...but as much as I'm going to hate to say this, I am going to miss my family... but I see this as the next step, where they now become more friends than parents.

but... what of Brendon, Steph, Erick... all those figures of a long ago life?

I still work with Brendon's mom... sometimes I wish I could work up the courage to ask her about him... I don't even think about him anymore...

Erick.. well, he pushed me out of his life. Let's finish it at that.

and steph.. what can I say about my old best friend.. the girl who dumped our long friendship for a boy.

I say nothing. I could go on about how terrible a person she was, and how she was the poison in my life and how it hurt me so deeply that I wasn't right for a long time... how destructive it was to be around her and steve and tyler.. and how I could NEVER be myself around them... but I digress.

looking back on those 2 years I spent drinking and partying, it was a waste... what did I realy accomplish? Fucking nothing.

I lost all my creativity, I fell into a hole.. and I became a useless pit of booze and random boys.

.. but out of those ashes of Blair-lohan... rose something greater... someone who has focus, who has a goal, who wants to get somewhere...

I pulled myself out of a 10K hole in six months, a hole in which I did NOT dig myself. Debt that was not supposed to be mine to carry, but I did it.. I fucking did it... and did I get a thank you? nope. no way.

Got the job I wanted to. Yup.

... I'm scared as shit for the next week and a half. I'm growing up... and all at the same time I'm so excited. My "new" life seems so wonderful.
... I hope it doesn't let me down.

"it can't rain all the time"
....... except in calgary.

<<<- | ->>>