I don't write as much as I used to.
I guess I really don't have the need.
...every night I have a voice that talks to me... he's 7 hours away, but he feels like he's right next to me.

long distance relationships.. I can't seem to get away from them...

He's long since fallen asleep on me, but being the night owl I am.. I'm lying awake unable to fall asleep...

.. instead I think about the past.. funny how I always write about the past.. I guess it's nice to remember things... it's also nice to see how much I've grown up.

facebook shows me faces of people I used to hang out with.. people I used to consider my best friends... and I realize that I never really "fit" with them. heaven forbid, I was never myself with any of them.

last friday, I got to hang out with my high school friends... the commune as they are known... and it made me realize how much I really missed them. I've grown up with these kids.. and it's those guys that will never toss me out over a guy, that will never toss me aside because I'm not hot enough.. they've been there for me from the start, and they've taken me back through all my phases.

... they are true friends.

...... going back to the snoring boy 7 hours away... I wonder what he dreams about... sometimes I wonder if he does the same thing I do before I fall asleep... imagining his strong arms around me, pulling me into his fortress.. smiling to myself that he isn't perfect, but he's perfect for me..

enough patience to crack my hard head, enough humor to get me through the tough days, enough sarcasm to stand up to me... more than enough love inside...

... funny, because he has green eyes :D.

but, 7 hours away.. is 7 hours away.. and most days I spend alone.

this is the time I spend in shaping myself.

... I spend this time elevating my game.

more and more I find myself at the gym, getting stronger and stronger.. and I feel that I am on the verge of being in the best shape of my life. I just have to keep working on it.

I focus on improving my mind, finding new exploits.. and becoming better at old ones. Make car go faster, make more money, save money.. read more..

and in my position of leadership at my work, (no more desk jockey), I find ways to elevate my game and prove to my superiors that I am #1, and that I deserve to be better than you.

I guess you could say that I'm trying to perfect my life a little.

I want to be strong. I want to be powerful...

I've even perfected the "cool under pressure"... in a situation where any normal person would fly off of the handle, I kept my cool and launched a more covert operation.

... no point in revealing my emotion when it could be used against me.

i'm totally listening to iron man right now. I'll admit, I'm kind of in love with Tony Stark (I really am to be honest), I admire his smarts and his wit... not to mention RDJ made him super hot..

I guess my life has come to a bit of a stand still for now. Only 2 more weeks until I travel to Las Vegas! I'm very excited, this will be my first vegas trip without my family... so it'll be an interesting one.

... I dunno, things will pick up soon enough.

I promise I'll be writing more.

... until then...

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