trying to piece together why I feel so.. angry, frustrated, grumpy and defeated.

part of me is instantly grumpy because it's cold and dark and snowy, I tried to fix it by planning a quick getaway to somewhere warm.. but reality, I can't do that.

... well, I could. If I wanted to go away badly enough..

sadly, I can't travel alone and everyone I'd like to go with can't go.

part of me is frustrated because I feel trapped. I feel trapped in because of the snow, I can't drive fast I can't drive hard.. I can't escape because fuck the snow.

I'm frustrated that I can't escape the way I normally do.. by feeling the speed.. no skating, no clarity...

for some reason, I just feel so defeated. I don't feel like fighting - I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep, I just don't want to exist anymore.. and I know those are unhealthy thoughts.

maybe it's just the winter blues.. and hopefully all these feelings pass.. right now it just feels like shit and I just want sunshine and dry pavement dammit.

- me

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