In a sleepy whim, I decided to find you on facebook again. I was listening to an old song reminding me of a decade ago... Letter by letter, I typed in your name.

... and there you were, your smirk mocking me from a thumbnail. Of course I clicked, looking through what I could look through.. and then I hovered over the "Add Friend" button... and I pondered, and pondered.

... I'm still pondering.

You likely don't even know who I am anymore. The years that since have passed have put such a distance between us, not only psychically, but mentally and emotionally. You don't know me anymore, I don't know you.. we're just strangers online.

Even if you did remember me, even if there was a shred of that little 17 year old in your memory, she isn't even who I am anymore. I won't lie to you, the thought of one day seeing you and showing you how much I've changed amuses me.

I'm not a weak kid anymore. I'm a bonafide bad ass. I've got an awesome job, I have a great home and a great life, I worked my ass off to get here.. and that's just the beginning. You should see what I do in my spare time.

While you may have leeched off of "The Rock" I have spent my time living as Blair. I forged my own persona, and I worked hard and became an athlete. I've tried out for a national team, I I've become a great skater out of the shadow of my former self, with discipline and determination and most of all, respect.

They hear my name, and they know that they're playing against a hard hitting, fast moving beast of awesome.

... definitely not the shy 14 year old girl who pulled you out of that gym to tell you how much she liked you.

......I'm still pondering....

I want to add you so you can look at all my pictures and realize that I became so much without you, that I used you as motivation to get better, to be better.

I want you to realize that the moment you cut me out of your life, I used that energy to get better. I want you to know that I moved on and did amazing things without you.

I'll keep pondering. Right now, you're not worth my time... even though my subconscious seems to think so.

-B

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